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双语有声 | 伍迪单口相声:不幸福的童年

2019-12-24 22:54:52  每日学亚博国际下载
Unhappy Childhood

 

I was talking about this on TV last week. I escape always into a rich fantasy life, that comes from an unhappy childhood.

上周我就在电视里谈论过这个。我总是逃离现实生活而沉浸于绚丽多姿的幻界,这是由于我不幸福的童年导致的。

I come from a poor family. My father worked at Coney Island. He had a concession on the boardwalk, where you knock over milk bottles with baseballs, which I could never do for my entire childhood.

我来自于一个贫穷的家庭。我父亲在科尼岛上工作,他在博德沃克大街上经营着一小块游乐场,就是那种你可以在里面拿着棒球击倒牛奶瓶的地方。可是在我整个童年中,我一次也没有击倒过。

There was a tidal wave at Coney Island, when I was a child, ripped up the boardwalk and did about a million dollars worth of damage, houses and everything.

有一次巨浪冲上了科尼岛,那时我还是个孩子,冲毁了整条博德沃克大街,造成了约一百万美元的损失,房屋等等的一切被冲个干净。

The only thing left standing was those little milk bottles, y'know.

你知道,唯一屹立不倒的东西就是那些小小的奶瓶。

I was, I would say, over-disciplined which is really humiliating. I had to be home nine thirty, prom night.

可以这么说,我被管教得过于服服帖帖,这真的很丢人。我必须九点半回家,还是毕业舞会的晚上。

I made a reservation at the Copa Cabana for five o'clock.

我在“科巴卡巴纳夜总会”预订了一个五点钟的桌子。

I took my date and we watched them set up.

我带着约好的女生去那里,看他们布置场地。

I was, as a matter of fact, when I think of it, terrorized as an adolescent. I was not that young when it happened, I was...I guess about thirteen or so at the time, and was on my way to an amateur music contest.

说实话,回想起那件事我当时真的吓坏了,我还是个青少年,也不算很小了,我想当时大概十三岁左右,事情发生在我去参加业余音乐比赛的路上。

And, my family is musical, you should know that, my father used to play the tuba as a young man, he tried to play the tuba, he tried to play "Flight of the Bumblebee", and blew his liver out through the horn.

我们家很喜欢音乐,你们应该知道,我父亲在他年轻的时候吹过大号,他想学吹大号,他想吹《野蜂飞舞》,差点没把肝脏从喇叭口吹出来。

Now I'm on the subway with my clarinet Jerry jazz musician style, unwrapped and everything, and these twelve guys come running through the subway. Really hairy-knuckled types, y'know,raced through there.

我当时正坐在地铁里,带着我的单簧管,学着杰瑞爵士音乐家的样子。这时有十二个家伙在地铁上跑了过来,真的是那种连指关节上都长毛的家伙,争先恐后。

Apparently they just come from a settlement house, y'know' as they were dribbling a social worker as they went through the car.

显然他们是刚从“社团之家”【1】出来,你知道,因为当他们跑过车厢时,拿一个社会义工当运球玩。

They stop right over me, y'know, because I was conspicuous, 'cause I had just eaten a sea-food lunch, I had forgotten to remove the lobster bib, y'know.

他们到我跟前就停住了,因为我看上去比较抢眼,因为我中饭刚吃了海鲜,忘了把围兜摘下来。

So I looked like a farmer with a fat tie, y'know, with Neptune on it.

因此我看起来就像个乡巴佬,戴着一条硕大的领带,上面还画着海神尼普顿。

They stand over me, they start cursing and smoking and tearing up seats, y'know.

他们站在我旁边,开始骂骂咧咧,一边抽着烟一边撕扯坐垫。

I don't say anything, y'know, I just sit there, look down, continue reading 'Heidi'.

我一声不响坐在那里,低着头,继续读我的《海蒂》【2】。

All of a sudden the leader puts his finger under my neck, like this, and goes...

突然之间,他们的头目把手指放到了我脖子下面,就像这样,然后一提。

I got up. He snapped his knee up, quickly, and I refused to give him the satisfaction of doubling over.

我站起身。他弯曲膝盖,猛地一抬,动作非常快。我拒绝朝前弯下身子,让他看我的笑话。

But I did one of the greatest imitations of Lily Ponds, you've ever heard. I hit an M over high C.

不过我的确发出了你可能听到过的最厉害的对莉丽·庞斯【3】的模仿。我触到了高音C之上的M调。

Showed up an hour late for the music contest. Came in second anyhow.

音乐比赛迟到了一个小时,不过我仍然拿了个第二。

I won two weeks at Interfaith Camp, where I was sadistically beaten by boys of all races and creeds.

我赢得了参加两周“信仰交互营”【4】的机会,在那里我被所有不同种族和不同信仰的男孩们暴打。

【1】英国和美国的社会慈善组织,举办社交、教育和艺术等的活动。

【2】瑞士儿童文学女作家约翰娜·施毕利的代表作,被改编成各种艺术形式而历久不衰。

【3】莉丽·庞斯,法裔美籍花腔女高音歌唱家。

【4】为了给具有不同背景、不同信仰的青少年提供同吃、同住、同玩、共同成长的机会而举办的集体营。

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